And while we're on the subject

It's amazing the types of things you find entertaining when you are broke and unemployed. I received a $5 target gift card for filling out a survey, so I decided to go to Target and figure out what all I could buy for $5. In fact, I made an afternoon of it. Just a-wandering. I decided to make a game of it- I'd find all sorts of things that would cost me $5 to take out of the store (after taxes, of course!) and put them all in my basket,and then at the end of it all, decide on ONE thing.

Now, granted, I should have known that was a bad idea, mostly because I have NOWHERE near that much discipline... and it IS target, after all. You can't just go in there and buy ONE thing...

I mean, I spent so much time in there that at least 6 employees asked me what they could help me with. (I looked a little crazy after 3 hours of "Just Looking".. and YES, I WAS in there for 3 hours)

Anyhow, here are some examples of what you can buy at target for $5 bucks
1. Campbells select soup-in-a box. Selected flavors only
2. Glade Plug In (oil) air freshener refills. If you want the warmer too, that's 6 bucks, so it doesnt make the list
3.Bounty brand kitchen cleaning devices-scrubbers, sponges, etc. (Yes, they make scrubbers and sponges. News to me too)
4. Umbrellas on clearance. (Because that new season of umbrellas making their debut in the fall is SO hot...)
5. Contact lens case
6. Contact lens solution
7. One pot of CoverGirl's new magnetic eyeshadows (Yes, they've gone magnetic just like Stila and Mac...and they have lip glosses that are in magnetic pots too!)
8. Non-Feather duster
9. Ironing board cover
10. 5 kits for chicken alfredo, ground meat helper, and other 1 pot meal kits

and so on and so forth.

I wandered through nearly every department in that store...i stopped for a leisurely read in the bookstore section. I played with some toys in the toy section. I ogled the new Ipack backpack in the seasonal section (Not only does it have an ipod holder AND room for your laptop, which of course I dont have, it also comes with a $15 gift card to itunes, redeemable at the register when you purchase the item). And YES, i did already consider buying the bag (and getting the gift card) and then returning it but keeping the new free music. But I was too broke to buy it at the time. And, knowing me, I would justify a reason to KEEP the backpack, regardless of the fact that I just finished 2 educational programs, and would likely NOT need a backpack in the near future. (Not even one with an ipod holder and room for a laptop)
I considered various facial treatments I could give myself in the health and beauty aisles. I tried on MANY pairs of sunglasses in the accessories aisle.

Target has many treasures inside, and I admit, I partook of more than $5 worth, and much of it I didnt need (martini umbrella anyone?). But, I didnt succumb to the major temptations.

But now that I have that unemployment check......

Long Overdue

Ok, so now that I have thoroughly experienced unemployment, I'm ready to be done with it. Seriously. I've been meaning to update you on all of the interesting things that are out there in the world of employment, but somehow havent managed to find the time to do so. Which is interesting because I really dont do anything all day. But, I have people breathing down my neck, and hey, if Rossanna can manage to blog from freakin' Eastern Europe, then the least I can do is get off my duff (hehe... duff beer for me, duff beer for you, I'll have a duff.. you have one too) and write something down. See, now thats the kind of sidetracking that I have been experiencing.

Anyhow, the first thing that REALLY caught me by surprise was the prevalence of pyramid schemes masquerading as actual employment. There are pyramid schemes in EVERY shape and color, but I must say, the vast majority of them are posing as marketing firms.
I know this because I experienced one of them. Granted, I went into it more than a little bit skeptical (because lets face it, if there are 72 posts on Monster for the exact same job at the exact same company, something must be wrong) but I decided I NEEDED to make sure it wasnt something actually worthwhile and my instincts were exactly wrong.

*Sidebar: Thats what instincts are for. Use them. There's usually something to that little nagging feeling.

So, I decided to respond to BOTH of the requests for interviews I got, one from The Advertising Group, one from JStarr Advertising. (Another hint I should have run the other way: Both contacted me for an interview within 24 hours of submitting my resume. AND, one of them called me in for an interview THAT SAME DAY!) So, I went in for the preliminary interview with JStarr (they were located in Orange, exactly 1 block from where my sister works, so I figured I could sneak in a happy hour afterwards). On my application I mentioned I was looking for creativity in whatever position I would accept... using it on things like desiging marketing promotions, etc. I distinctly remember THINKING during the interview "Telemarketing is DEATH TO ME". Maybe I should have said that out loud so that they would have known not to bother with me any more. Instead, I kept quiet and they scheduled me for the second interview, where you shadow someone in the current job.
What is the current job you ask? I'll tell you!
These people are *allegedly* in direct marketing. They have clients like SBC, Verizon, Victorias Secret, etc. The marketing people at these companies design promotions, and JStarr is responsible for carrying them out. They make presentations in house with potential clients. I'm still trying to give them the benefit of the doubt at this point in time, so I'm thinking they schedule sales presentations with various companies, set up the powerpoint and then celebrate after closing big deals. WRONG. They go door to door in office complexes, UNSOLICITED, doing what basically boils down to door to door sales. THat day, they were trying to get people to open an account with Quill Office products (the wholesale subsidiary of Staples), so I was walking around while this girl sold office products door to door. Thus, it's equally as unwelcome as telemarketing, but it has that added bonus of being done IN PERSON!
Now, as unpleasant as this sounds, add to it the fact that I was walking around in a SUIT and my nice shoes, on a day that was hot as sin. Anyone who knows me knows that I am fundamentally against suits (even more so after this day) and so it is just an INSULT that they had me out there doing such awful things in one...

After talking with the gentleman responsible for subjecting me to this torture over lunch, he told me about scheduling the third interview, and I politely declined. He asked why, and I refreshed his memory about that whole creativity business I put on my application. I mentioned that I wanted to be the one DESIGNING the promotions, and he said "But they have OTHER people to do that." My response: "That OTHER person is who I want to be!!!I won't be going door to door for ANYTHING!!!" (Him: But everyone has to start at the bottom)(Me: Ignoring that remark, I tell him that I want to design promotions. And HEY- I thought you said this was JStarr ADVERTISING. There's no advertising going on)(Him: Advertising, marketing... all fancy ways of dressing up that it's SALES.)(Me:Well, I want to be in ACTUAL marketing. Not sales DISGUISED as marketing)
And he made me buy my own lunch!!!!

I feel at this point I need to mention the cycle of activities that makes this place an actual pyramid scheme, because thats what it truly is, although less sinister than some.
1. You get hired and go door to door selling stuff
2. Once you have proven your ability to do #1 well, then you become a management trainee
3. Once you have mastered being a management trainee, you start subbing in for the main boss. You also have to hire more people to do #1 and promote people to level #2 since you're moving up.
4. You've done it! You now get to open your own office and hire people to do exactly the same thing over and over again. You also train them so that THEY can be where you are, with THEIR own office and the ability to hire people to do the exact same nothing that you do, but in a suit.

*Note: The only ways to ACTUALLY make any money are to do lots of business at #1 (selling stuff) and at #4 (bringing other people in to sell stuff on your behalf)

I cancelled my interview with the other company, who was basically the LA version of this same organization.

Now, on the one hand, I am glad for this experience because it opened my eyes and it allowed me to figure out questions to ask so I'd know if it was another company like this one, but it was also quite disappointing to find out how many variations of this same scheme are going on in multiple locations.

Known variations of the Pyramid Scheme:

Variation #1:
Rossanna can tell you about this one better than I can, because she experienced it. Like me, she went in for a preliminary interview, which led to an offer for an all day interview the next day, "Shadowing" someone currently in that job. She went door to door selling home security systems. In Simi Valley. One of the safest neighborhoods in the nation. Then they offered her a position as a person who would work their way up to be in management. (Management of WHAT you ask? Dunno. They told me the same thing) When she said she needed to think about it (A polite way of trying to make an exit and then RUN, if you ask me) they said they needed Decision makers! (Read: Take the job NOW.) She said no, and they tried to convince her (on some level) that it was not a good decision. Personally, I think it was because if her decisionmaking was already clashing with the company vision, then there would probably be lots more clashes later on. (For example: No! I have made a decision NOT to go door to door sellling these security systems. YOU go door to door! That one probably wouldnt go over well)

Variation #2: Sports Marketing
I am still amazed at how far someone can go in interpreting words to mean something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT than what the words actually say (But then again, the KKK calls themselves christian, dont they.. and yet nowhere in standard christianity does it say to hate minorities, especially African Americans.... and besides, when the bible was actually written, there WERE no african americans, thankyouverymuch!)
In any case, the distillation process that takes place when one wants to stretch the truth is AMAZING. My cousin submitted an application on my behalf to a company who said they do sports marketing. They called me for an interview, and knowing what I know now, I decided to ask some questions. As soon as they said they would train for the position, I was concerned, becuase in marketing, you either know it or you dont!

Me: WHAT are you marketing
them: Athletic enhancement substances/products
Me:To Whom are you marketing?
Them: Athletic Teams
Me: Professional ones?
Them: Not so much. More like little league, middle and high school athletic teams. Club teams too!!!
Me (skeptical at this point): Is there any direct marketing involved?
Them(talking really fast and attempting to avoid the question): Yes, well, um err, uhh. Wellitwouldbeanexcellentopportunityandwe'dbehappytotrainyouforthepositionandyoucouldadvancequicklyandblahblahblahblahblah
Me:What kind? Would it involve anything door to door? Wait, never mind. I'm not interested, thank you.

What's even more funny is that a week ago, this same man called me again at MY number instead of my mom's# (which is how he got a hold of me last time) and offered me the same job.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I have had numerous sources of irritation in the last week, many of them caused by family and friends. >:-(
(That's my disgruntled face, in case you didnt know. Notice the furrowed brow. )
Today, I have to start part 2 of my Louis Vuitton fight. Part 1 went down last week, as my mother encroached upon my time for the umpteenth time this year. The problem is this: My mother believes that since I am currently unemployed, I am a) Doing nothing, and b) available to do whatever she wants me to do without question INSTANTLY at her request. So, last week, when I took my mom to the airport for her vacation, (at 4am mind you) she hit me with a laundry list of instructions on things I needed to do for her that day, not the least of which included "Oh, and take back my Louis Vuitton Purse&Wallet to the store. Make sure you get that done today!" Now, my plan at that time was to go back to the house, catch up on my sleep, go to the gym and then take care of MY OWN ERRANDS. Instead, I now have to COMPLETELY re-track my day and figure out how my stuff will fit in with her request.

Whats the deal with the purse, you ask? Well, my parents have always paid my school tuition. So, they've been paying tuition to 3 different schools since 1997. Now that they no longer have a tuition payment to make, my mom made an announcement at my Graduation Party that she was going to take said tuition payment and use it instead for a nice lovely expensive handbag. Enter Louis Vuitton. We spent more than an hour in the store last tuesday poring over this bag and that, before my mom finally walked out with one of them. (And even then she wasnt sure....) Well, the next day she asked me to return it. Problem is, she had handled it so much in the store that the leather handles started to oxidize (supposedly), therefore putting the bag in an "unsaleable condition". Furthermore, she put her stuff in it and the thing ended up looking like she had been carrying it around for a week (you know, dust in the bottom... tissue pieces, etc). In any case, I wasn't buying the oxidized handles bullshit, and I asked the shopgirl to bring me another bag so I could compare the handles. I end up getting into a quiet, civilized argument with her (she's demanding that I respect her...I had to tell her that given that I hadn't made any unreasonable comments, nor any insulting ones, I hadn't felt that I disrespected her.) Frankly, she got civilized Sheryl. And given that I wasnt being allowed to return a bag that cost into the 4 figures and was effectively STUCK with it, I had a right to be a little unhappy. I'm surprised she thinks she was disrespected, as she CLEARLY hasn't come across any ghetto black people...I didnt get ignorant, ethnic, OR loud. Therefore, no disrespect. ( I almost wish I had turned a little of the ethnic voice on her so she would have known the difference).

Anyhow, I left the mall mad because a) I couldnt return the bag, and b) couldn't get a hold of mom to ask if I should return the wallet as well or keep it, since we're stuck with the bag. This, then, brought me to encroachment #2. (Wow! I actually stayed on track! Good for me)

Now that I had this expensive bag and purse in my car, instead of unloading it back on the L.V. people, I now had to go straight home. My plan was to go to the gym, shower and then go do stuff... but because I didnt want to chance getting my car broken into and having the purse we didnt want but were stuck with stolen, I had to take it straight to my home. (Again, plans derailed). And of COURSE, right after I got home, I was able to get through to my mom (who rarely answers her cellphone, mind you) who said "Yes, return the wallet." If she had told me that when I was in the store arguing with that trifling ass clerk, I wouldn't have to go BACK OUT to a LV store and return the damn thing.

Hence, part 2 of the LV fight, and encroachment #3. I have to go today and return the wallet. However, I have to go to the Beverly Hills store, because if I go back to South Coast Plaza, I know I'll get stuck with the same person who helped me last time. And I'll cuss her out something royal. And I'd do it in the quiet, civilized, educated voice... the one I use when I think up a long, drawn out, academic sounding insult and I practice it....(but don't interrupt me when I'm doing it because you'll mess up the flow). And since I dont want to have to go through all that (because last time I was pissed off the rest of the day) I'm not going there. Besides, I have more business in LA than just the wallet, so since I NEVER go there any other time, I figure I'll do LV Beverly Hills, then my other errand. But the fact that I have to use another part of another day to return that DAMN wallet is quite irritating. *Sigh* I need a job so my mom won't continue to take advantage of my free time.